*20 years later*
Kid: daddy, look what I found in mommy’s old laptop!
Luke: what did you find, sweetie?
Kid: it’s a story about you!
Luke: really? Why don’t you read some of it to me
Me: NO, wait ple-
Kid: *clears throat* Luke tightened his grip around m-
Me: PLEASE DONT
Kid: my hips and growled against my neck in his Australian accent, as he grinded into me harder with his huge-
Kid: but there’s 247 more pages!
Luke: we need to talk.